You may notice in your counselling journey that some therapists state they have lived experience in certain areas. Is that a good thing? Does it matter? Let’s take a look…
I Am a Counsellor With Lived Experience
I have lived experience with chronic illness. That is to say; I have lived for 30+ years with chronic illness. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease when I was in primary school. Very little was known about the condition back then, but over the years it has shown itself to be persistent, fatigue-inducing, and mentally and emotionally draining. I’ve lost count of the doctors I have seen for my condition; GP’s who downplay it like it’s nothing and specialists who are keen to put me on some new wonder-drug. I spent years trying to hide my condition, because people would draw their own conclusions based on… well, literally nothing. The judgement was awful, and my self-esteem took a massive hit. It literally shaped who I am and how I've led my life. Strangers in the supermarket would stop me and ask what was wrong with me, and they’d offer random advice like “my cousin’s friend’s brother uses this thing, you can only buy online, I can’t remember what it’s called but it’ll cure it”. Well, unfortunately there is no cure for autoimmune disease… all 80 of them. Thankfully I have found a medication after all these years that works, however it involves having to inject myself twice a month… which I find to be quite the mental hurdle. And something I found out in recent years… autoimmune diseases are comorbid, meaning once you have one, you are susceptible to developing others. Low and behold, I've now developed a 2nd autoimmune disease. So again with the numerous GP’s and specialists, and their varying levels of concern, over several years of seeking a correct diagnosis and potential treatment plan. And there was a lot of misdiagnoses.
Mental Health and Chronic Illness
And why would a therapist reveal this about themselves? Well, the answer is actually really simple. Because living with chronic illness takes a huge toll on your mental health. Sometimes, people who have been through a lot want a therapist they feel will understand their experiences beyond the standard realm of empathy and comprehension; doctor’s appointments, financial strain, fatigue, societal judgements, family reactions, job loss, struggles with relationships, the mental toll of having a condition that cannot be cured or sometimes even treated, self-esteem, self-worth, social isolation, having a life that is shaped entirely by their condition… the list goes on. Sometimes, having a therapist who has lived experience in the same area as you can help you feel accepted, heard and understood.
Counsellor Self-Disclosure
Now, in counselling we tend to hold off on self-disclosure. This is due to the fact that the time we spend with our clients is, and should be, entirely about the client. Having a therapist sit there and discuss their own life when you were keen to seek support for your own is hardly an attractive situation to find yourself in. Imagine you save your money for a counsellor, you build up the courage to contact them, you spend time working yourself up to talk about the things you want to raise, you practice in the mirror how to word the really difficult stuff, you arrive at your appointment, and as soon as you say ‘here is something big that I have been through’ the therapist says ‘oh yes, I have been through that too, and here is my life story’. Not helpful, right!
So when is self-disclosure from a therapist appropriate? Only when they feel it would contribute to the therapeutic alliance you are building, and only if it will in some way benefit the client. For example, if a client came in and said they are a single parent who is attempting to study, I wouldn’t automatically jump in with ‘oh I know all about that’. I would stop and consider… would telling them I too have been in that situation benefit them in any way? More often than not, the answer is no. I recently had a client tell me that her mother asked her what we had in common. My client told her mother that my life experience is irrelevant to her, because she felt I understood the repercussions life events had on who she was today. So although I actually had a great deal in common with this client, disclosing this to her would not have added any benefit to her therapeutic experience.
Why Would A Counsellor Self-Disclose Chronic Illness
Why do some counsellors specify they have lived experience? Because there are certain areas of therapy, or client issues, where lived experience can be of help. I find that many of my clients who live with chronic illness, or have a spouse or child with chronic illness, appreciate the fact that I know about the complications and intricacies of living with illness. Some clients don’t want to have to detail how frustrating doctors can be, or how huge the financial burden is; they would prefer it if you already understood. Alcohol and drug addiction is another area where lived experience may be helpful. Although not always the case, some clients prefer if their therapist has been through the same struggles as them and is able to model the path to recovery.
So, after all of this, does lived experience in a counsellor matter? As with all areas of counselling, it really is about matching the client with the right therapist. Some clients appreciate lived experience, whereas some clients prefer a ‘clean slate’ as it were; some counsellors are in a position to use their lived experience to help others, and some counsellors have an amazingly deep understanding of certain issues without lived experience. The vast majority of counsellors are highly trained individuals who went into their profession because they have a great deal of empathy, understanding and knowledge. So have a think, within your own life experiences, whether a counsellor with lived experience, or not, is the right match for you.
If you would like some support navigating chronic illness, or any other topic, please feel free to contact Bronwyn for a no-obligation 15 minute consult at bronwyn@floraisonmentalhealth.com.au
Or book an appointment today at https://square.site/book/K4SCSAPZ1VYCR/floraison-mental-health